I’m coming up on my 120 day mark in a few days…4 months. I feel like I fought really hard for this last month. Looking back, the first 6-8 weeks of my sobriety were all about fighting the cravings and developing tools to fight them. During that time, I was on a “pink cloud.” I felt so much better. I once read something on another blog about how alcoholics who stop drinking react like a ballon held underwater. As soon as you stop, you pop to the surface emotionally, just like the balloon. I felt better than I had in many years. I won’t say the first two months were easy, because they weren’t, but the new-found energy and elevated mood made it easy to keep going.
During the 3rd month, I had gotten into a groove and the cravings weren’t so much an issue, but it seemed like my emotions went into overdrive, and I had to figure out how to deal with that. I’m not an outwardly emotional person because I’m just not comfortable showing them to other people. I was still feeling much better, but the novelty of that feeling had worn off.
This last month has been a real challenge. The memory of how bad I felt during my drinking days faded, and the holidays approached with all their expectations and stress. I had thoughts of moderation creeping back in. When I originally decided to quit, I decided I would give it up for 8 weeks. A few weeks in, I decided to stretch it out to Jan 1. That was before I decided to make this a permanent change.
Well, Jan. 1 has come and gone, and I’m still sober. I feel like I’m in a state of limbo right now. The initial milestones of 1 week, one month, 90 days all flew by quickly. But this period between 90 and 120 days seems to have stretched on interminably. I have been on vacation for almost 3 weeks, so I’m sure when I go back to work, this weird time-warp slow feeling will go away.