Yesterday was day 200. It’s the “100-day challenge” times 2. I am feeling much more comfortable with my “non-drinker” status. I have gotten to the place where in my mind, I say “I’m a non-drinker” or “I don’t drink” and it’s becoming more of a reality. I don’t think about drinking much at all unless I have a really bad day. And even then, I’m able to think through the urge and it passes pretty quickly.
I am much happier without the booze in general. My anxiety levels are much better. I used to carry around this low-grade constant state of anxiety and that’s much improved now. I still get worked up into an anxious state when bad things happen, but I’m learning how to cope with that. I may not be able to stop the anxiety, but I can deal with it without drinking.
I’m finding joy in all those moments I wouldn’t have had when I was drinking. Like this morning, I was sitting with H in the kitchen having breakfast, and we were joking about this athletic-wear catalog that has captions below all the photos of the athletic models ostensibly in various stages of their workout. One of the photos was two women in spandex capris and tank tops, smiling broadly at each other, and the caption was “My jump rope broke so I just kept jumping without it so I could finish my workout!” That was funny enough to me, but then H started acting out what that would look like. I laughed so hard I snorted!
It’s a moment I likely would not have had if I was still drinking. Normally on a Saturday morning, I’d be feeling foggy from the 2 or 3 stiff margaritas from Friday night. Friday night was always a green light to numb out. And I would always wake up feeling groggy and a little nauseous.
I was thinking yesterday of all the damage I would have done to my body over the last 200 days if I had not stopped. I am not where I want to be with my weight, but overall, I feel much better than before. Anyone who is struggling with the first days of sobriety, know that it does get better, and there is a very tangible upside, if you look for it and embrace it.