Day 300

Today  is day 300.  I have been working on getting more exercise and losing some weight, and things are going very well.   It’s amazing how much easier losing weight is without budgeting all those calories for wine!   I am down about 9 lbs, and shooting for 21 more by Christmas.  I’m finding that without the alcohol in my life, I feel much more able to cope with life.  I no longer feel like the next big, difficult thing will be the end of me.  When my mom was sick about 3 1/2 years ago was when my drinking became a problem.  I drank over the pain and fear.   After she died, and time passed, and I began to regain my footing, I really became afraid the next big thing might destroy me.   So 300 days ago, I decided to cut alcohol out of my life.  It no longer felt good to me.  I had to drink more than I knew was healthy to just to get that buzz, and even then, the buzz was so short-lived, I was starting to put a lot of thought into pacing my drinking in order to maintain it.  It was very unhealthy.  Now, 300 days later, I have very much enjoyed my long weekend with no booze.  I felt a little pang when we went to dinner before the fireworks the other night.  We went to a Mexican place, and people were being loud around us.  People were drinking lots of margaritas, enjoying their long weekends with a few drinks, just the way I would have not that long ago.  I found myself thinking that a buzz would be nice to take the edge off being in this place with these loud people.  But I was fine with my diet coke and my food…it was just a passing thought, not even a craving, really.   I never knew what I was missing when I was drinking away my long weekends.  I definitely enjoy my down time a lot more than I ever used to.

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